GIJG!, LLC Records

26 Aug

Music is the only truly universal language (besides English, obviously) and can be translated by anyone with the ability to hear, or even feel vibrations. Prior to watching a stunning performance by a professional musician who was in fact completely deaf I would have assumed music could not be experienced by those who can not hear.

This musician, Evelyn Glennie, for anyone who wants to check her out, experiences music through vibration which is why I will never again fart around a deaf person. Come to think of it I just realized that deaf people usually have the ability to smell so apparently I was not fooling anyone anyway.

Listening to a lot of the popular music today might lead one to assume that the majority of people in the music industry are deaf. If I listed off and poked fun at individual musicians or bands that I strongly dislike it might come off as arrogant and it would probably drive my readers Gaga, so I will spare everyone. Instead I will discuss a music genre that I have had a recent adventure with and have even come to enjoy after many years of disdain.

In this computer age it is obvious that humans have become reliant on technology. According to a recent poll by Time magazine, 84% of people polled believed they could not go an entire day without their cell phones. I do not know how to feel about the fact that I often go the better part of a week before noticing that I left my phone at my brother’s house or on the toilet paper dispenser in the hospital’s bathroom.

Instead of the pride I should feel for being different, I feel increasing fear for what the future will bring for me. I already am unable to navigate my wife’s I-phone, and recently gave back my Droid for the first cell phone I ever owned.  When I told a co-worker that my phone could not take pictures, she asked how I could live without that capability of taking pictures with my phone. I asked her if she remembered “the camera.”

As she listed the capabilities her phone had that mine did not she became frustrated with my responses. She asked how I would find my way around without GPS. I told her “a map.” She said she loved playing “Words with Friends” and I told her I loved playing Scrabble. She said she liked how she could play it anywhere. I told her I had a Scrabble board in my car and asked if she wanted to play and she said no.

Needless to say there are technologies that I rely on. For example I would not survive longer than a day without air conditioning. If Apple made a phone that made air conditioning I would go wait in line at Wal-Mart with all the other people in various colored tank-tops to get one, even though they would proceed to come out with better air conditioning phones in subsequent months.

I also fear that music will be so mechanized and over-marketed that there will be no one left making music for free, just because they can make a sound that blows people away. Do not get me wrong, I would take ten million dollars to share my music with a world willing to pay for it. However I would still want to take pride in my music, and I would want it to sound the same in my living room as it does on stage and on the radio.

That being said, I have a feeling that if I were around when the electric guitar came out, I probably would have been the old man warning people that playing it was a sure-fire way to Hell, along with alcohol and tennis shoes.

I recently brought technology into my musical existence by building a recording studio. I felt it would be a Good Idea to have my first ever recording from the new Good Idea John G, LLC studio be more up to date with today’s music technology capabilities.

My studio is really up to date, even though I used Microsoft Paint to edit the Logo my brother did on some expensive program…

Actually, I just started picking up different instruments and messing around while recording them until I ended up with a version of Gotye’s song “Somebody That I Used to Know” that sounds like Akon and T-Pain produced it.

I chose this song because my nephew believed that I wrote and performed the song and therefore included it in my beard shaving video (50 Shades of Grey(Hair).) I had to teach him the important lesson about ripping off other people’s hard work to make my videos better.

I am pleased to announce that this song is also the singing debut of my wife, who I am now calling ‘Lil J, in her first vocal performance that I am now putting all over the internet against her will. (Feel free to leave comments complimenting her performance; I need to build her confidence because I need her to sing all the female vocal parts to the Grease soundtrack I’m planning to record next.)

Somebody That I Used to Know by John and Jill G

(For anyone that enjoyed the hip-hop version of this song, it can be downloaded completely free on my sidebar!)

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Olympic Curiosity

5 Aug

With the 2012 Olympic games underway, most of the world will cheer their fellow countrymen on in swimming, gymnastics and the many other summer events. Millions watch in awe as athletes set new world records and seemingly defy perceived human physical limitations with each new event. I watch with more of a sense of wonder, that is I wonder at what point someone decides to dedicate their life to becoming the world’s best badminton player?

At no time while meeting with my high school careers counselor did he mention trampoline as a potential goal for obtaining financial sustainability. This is incredibly upsetting to me because I spent several years jumping on my friend Nick’s cousin’s trampoline without the awareness that with the right amount of focus, I could have made a living playing “popcorn.”‘

While I may not have lasted as a professional trampoline jumper because I am now afraid of trampolines after I broke my nose with my own knee on Nick’s cousin’s trampoline in high school, I had real potential in badminton. (On a side note, if there was an Olympic event for run-on sentences I would be like Michael Phelps, but with straighter teeth.) Alas, even though I won my third grade all-school badminton tournament, there was no one in the audience that day who could appreciate my Olympic potential, so my opportunity was missed.

For a while I had become content with my current situation of watching the Olympics on the couch eating pretzels and taking naps during news breaks, but then I was once again reminded of my lack of accomplishment when I saw that the people at NASA were only hours away from landing the Mars Science Laboratory and a land rover called Curiosity on Mars.

The amount of brilliance and persistence it takes to engineer a machine that will fly 8,000 mph and land on another planet millions of miles away is staggering. I completely burnt dinner a few nights ago because I can never remember if sixteen minutes is represented by 00:16 or 16:00 on my stove’s timer (it turns out that 16:00 equals sixteen hours.)

Instead of wallowing in my own self-pity or trying to train to be in the next Olympics to prove something to myself and then subsequently failing, I decided it was a Good Idea to try to make money in something I am good at (i.e. not sports or anything involving math and an attention span.)

My Good Idea was to try to make my first viral video, and then somehow get paid by the internet like the Numa Numa guy and the chocolate rain guy. In order to do this I simply made a video of what I thought the Mars landing might look like if the people landing the Curiosity Rover got distracted by the Olympics for a brief moment.

My theory is that my basement floor looks like Mars at certain angles, and this will attract people looking for the real footage. Then somehow in the midst of all of the “dislikes” I will surely get, I will make lots of money. Then I can spend the rest of my life becoming the world’s best badminton player, which is what I should have been doing this whole time.

Feel free to share the video with your friends (but warn them that it is garbage, and I am just trying to make internet money.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4c5MkdO3zgI

Good luck to all the Olympic athletes as well as the NASA Martian Landing team!

Love, John G

Good Idea John G, LLC

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