The Progressive Pillow

There are many beliefs about how humans came to exist on this planet. A lot of people believe we evolved from primates, and I can believe this because one of my brothers grows hair everywhere except his forehead. Another large portion of people believe God made the first humans out of clay, which I could also believe because my mid-section feels clay-like when... Continue Reading →

Happy Birthday, Good Idea John G!

When I saw that I had received a card in the mail today, I got excited like I used to when I was little. Then again, every letter I got in the mail when I was young either contained a birthday card full of cash, or a report card full of brilliant gems from my teachers, like "John G has trouble paying... Continue Reading →

Inch By Inch, Glow By Glow

John G and the Four Seasons    Spring in Cincinnati is my favorite season, followed by Autumn, Christmas, Summer, and finally the rest of Winter. Summer is so far back on the list because I get burnt even when I wear spf 50. This is the tactile equivalent of spreading Marshmallow Fluff all over myself, and it takes just as long to rub in. I tried using... Continue Reading →

My Cat’s Breath Smells Like Newman’s Own

Animal Instincts (and a lot of 80's references for some reason...)    There are few things I enjoy watching on television more than shows about animals. Not the obnoxious shows like the "Pet Star" with Slater from "Saved by the Bell", but the raw and amazing footage of animals interacting in the wild. This footage, such as the three cheetahs hunting... Continue Reading →

Getting Audrey Hepburn’s Legs in Shape

Decorating Your Makeshift Workout Room       I use a lot of self-deprecating humor, mostly revolving around being fat, out of shape, and being easily distracted. I am, in fact, out of shape and easily distracted. This is why I can’t consistently work out; if I am not crying within the first 5 minutes of exercise... Continue Reading →

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