When I saw that I had received a card in the mail today, I got excited like I used to when I was little. Then again, every letter I got in the mail when I was young either contained a birthday card full of cash, or a report card full of brilliant gems from my teachers, like “John G has trouble paying attention during math class.”
When I am a dad, I am going to write honest responses to my kid’s teachers like “that’s because you are boring” or “not everyone enjoys math like you do, you big smelly dork.” Then my kids will think I am cool (or they will get taken away.)
For a brief moment when I saw the card today, I thought someone may have remembered my anniversary. Not the anniversary of my marriage, or that of my birth in August, but the anniversary of the day I posted my first Good Idea on GoodIdeaJohnG.com.
Much to my chagrin, it was just a nicely dressed advertisement. I briefly wallowed in self-defeat, a vaguely familiar feeling that I had not experienced since second grade coach-pitch baseball, when I was hit by a pitch two times in one game, by the other team’s coach.
It is not that I expected people to send me cards, gifts, or a cake to celebrate, but I had secretly hoped that they would. However, unlike that coach-pitch baseball game, I am not going to run home crying and never play baseball again. I have decided to celebrate my anniversary by giving my loyal readers updates on some of my favorite Past Good Ideas:
Count one for the old school! My vibrating football game correctly predicted the Super Bowl’s victor, as well as contained a few other eerie parallels. Take that, technology!
Successfully Predicted:
1.The entrance song while the two teams ran out of the tunnels was the same as in my video! (I’m still creeped out by this one…)
2.The key Steelers fumble, recovered by the Packers
3. The Black Eyed Peas were completely terrible!
4. The Packers kicked a field goal at the very end of the game
Things my vibrating football game did not predict:
1. Christina Aguilera’s fumble (of the national anthem’s words)
2. Me losing all respect for Slash and Usher
3. Heinz Ward unfortunately did not get attacked by a tiger, although there is still time
Bow-hunting season ended this weekend for my brother and I without any deer taken. However we both considered it a successful hunting season for different reasons. My brother said that he was excited that he saw a lot of fresh deer poop, and where there is poop there are deer, which would inevitably lead to successful hunts in the Spring. I found success in knowing that no matter what path my life takes, I will never be excited to see poop. But then again, I have never been severely constipated.
Because this Good Idea first rhymed, the update should rhyme too (about the wrapping paper made of envelopes and glue.)
This paper stirred up quite a fuss, when given to my friends. Most people tried to save it up, to use it all again!
Alas, the presents it contained were quickly set aside (and thinking of the cash I spent, something in me died)
Instead of buying presents for next year’s Christmas time, I’ll just wrap up my junk mail, and will not spend a dime!
Mo Money, Mo ‘Stache, Less Problems
Believe it or not, my goal during the month of November was not to prove that I look weird with a mustache, even though I proved this unequivocally. My ultimate goal was for people to pledge money to my mustache, in a similar way that people would pledge money if I were running a 10k for charity. Unlike a 10k run, which would net me zero dollars because I would not even make it 1k, this venture was very fulfilling. At the end of the month, thanks to my generous friends and family who donated, I had raised hundreds of dollars for prostate cancer research.
I also came to understand how some people, such as the cashier lady at CVS, can become attached to their mustaches in a very powerful way. Unfortunately my wife did not feel the same attachment.
Facebook Profile
After hundreds of votes came in, the Facebook Profile costume won by landslide! I excitedly wore it into the first party and quickly realized that no one got it (as I suspected, the people who read my blog are smarter than everyone else.) I also quickly realized that trying to keep my head centered in the picture was causing my neck to spasm, so I dejectedly took the winning costume off.
These are my late grandfather's gloves. He was proud of his right to bear arms.
Ironically, my brother borrowed the Second Amendment costume (the right to bear arms) and received huge laughs and kudos all night.
My Cat’s Breath Smells Like Newman’s Own
Who Dey watching Animal Planet
I got my first-ever negative response from a reader on this post. He claimed that my self-sifting litter box was too difficult to make, and said that bags existed that could do the same thing in a much easier fashion. I was blown away that 1.someone actually tried to make this Good Idea, and 2. someone took my blog seriously enough to write a negative comment. Furthermore, I wonder what he was searching on Google to come across my blog about cat poop?
Awards and Recognition
I appreciate everyone who has read along thus far, and thereby helped GoodIdeaJohnG.com receive the highest rating (a Wow! rating) from WordPress.com!
This is actually not a joke, GoodIdeaJohnG.com got the highest rating possible from WordPress.com (although I still have no idea what that means...)
I also decided to start a yearly tradition by awarding one extraordinary person who assisted me with some aspect of my blog with what will be called the Good Idea John G! Honorary Creator of Excellence in the Field of Questionably Brilliant Ideas Award (or the GIJGHCXFQBI award).
2011 GIJGHCXFQB award, from "Tumble Dry Low"
This year’s nominees are:
1st nominee: Cousin Anne, for purchasing Photoshop for me even though I am terrified of it
2nd nominee: Freddie G, for his Good Idea to shoot deer in his back yard, regardless of how illegal that is
3rd nominee: Robby R, for first using the acronym GIJG instead of typing Good Idea John G, to save time
4th nominee: Jon B, for his James Earl Jones-esque voice in what has become my most successful blog post.
5th nominee: Chris M, for recommending that I charge subscription fees, even though he probably would be the only one to pay them.
This year’s winner of the GIJGHCXFQBI Award is………….. Jon B!!! Congratulations to Jon B, and thank you to all the other nominees!
Last but not least, because no one felt compelled to celebrate my site’s milestone anniversary, I had the Good Idea to use this award I found at Goodwill to commemorate this day. Then I celebrated my site’s anniversary by paying the $17 renewal fee to keep GoodIdeaJohnG.com going for another year, in hopes that next year someone will remember my anniversary (or hopefully by then, one of my ideas will have made me rich…)
Certificate of Excellence in life, awarded to John G (by John G)
What You Thought!