Tag Archives: Creative inventions

Happy Birthday, Good Idea John G!

7 Feb

When I saw that I had received a card in the mail today, I got excited like I used to when I was little. Then again, every letter I got in the mail when I was young either contained a birthday card full of cash, or a report card full of brilliant gems from my teachers, like “John G has trouble paying attention during math class.” 

When I am a dad, I am going to write honest responses to my kid’s teachers like “that’s because you are boring” or “not everyone enjoys math like you do, you big smelly dork.” Then my kids will think I am cool (or they will get taken away.)  

For a brief moment when I saw the card today, I thought someone may have remembered my anniversary. Not the anniversary of my marriage, or that of my birth in August, but the anniversary of the day I posted my first Good Idea on GoodIdeaJohnG.com.

Much to my chagrin, it was just a nicely dressed advertisement. I briefly wallowed in self-defeat, a vaguely familiar feeling that I had not experienced since second grade coach-pitch baseball, when I was hit by a pitch two times in one game, by the other team’s coach.

It is not that I expected people to send me cards, gifts, or a cake to celebrate, but I had secretly hoped that they would. However, unlike that coach-pitch baseball game, I am not going to run home crying and never play baseball again. I have decided to celebrate my anniversary by giving my loyal readers updates on some of my favorite Past Good Ideas:

Good Vibrations

Count one for the old school! My vibrating football game correctly predicted the Super Bowl’s victor, as well as contained a few other eerie parallels. Take that, technology!

Successfully Predicted:

1.The entrance song while the two teams ran out of the tunnels was the same as in my video! (I’m still creeped out by this one…) 

2.The key Steelers fumble, recovered by the Packers

3. The Black Eyed Peas were completely terrible!

4. The Packers kicked a field goal at the very end of the game

Things my vibrating football game did not predict:

1. Christina Aguilera’s fumble (of the national anthem’s words)

2. Me losing all respect for Slash and Usher

3. Heinz Ward unfortunately did not get attacked by a tiger, although there is still time

Licensed to Kill Time 

Bow-hunting season ended this weekend for my brother and I without any deer taken. However we both considered it a successful hunting season for different reasons. My brother said that he was excited that he saw a lot of fresh deer poop, and where there is poop there are deer, which would inevitably lead to successful hunts in the Spring. I found success in knowing that no matter what path my life takes, I will never be excited to see poop. But then again, I have never been severely constipated.   

  

A Good Idea Christmas Tale!

Because this Good Idea first rhymed, the update should rhyme too (about the wrapping paper made of envelopes and glue.)

This paper stirred up quite a fuss, when given to my friends. Most people tried to save it up, to use it all again!

Alas, the presents it contained were quickly set aside (and thinking of the cash I spent, something in me died) 

Instead of buying presents for next year’s Christmas time, I’ll just wrap up my junk mail, and will not spend a dime!   

Mo Money, Mo ‘Stache, Less Problems

Believe it or not, my goal during the month of November was not to prove that I look weird with a mustache, even though I proved this unequivocally. My ultimate goal was for people to pledge money to my mustache, in a similar way that people would pledge money if I were running a 10k for charity. Unlike a 10k run, which would net me zero dollars because I would not even make it 1k, this venture was very fulfilling. At the end of the month, thanks to my generous friends and family who donated, I had raised hundreds of dollars for prostate cancer research.

I also came to understand how some people, such as the cashier lady at CVS, can become attached to their mustaches in a very powerful way. Unfortunately my wife did not feel the same attachment.

  

Deck out the Halloween

Facebook Profile

 After hundreds of votes came in, the Facebook Profile costume won by landslide! I excitedly wore it into the first party and quickly realized that no one got it (as I suspected, the people who read my blog are smarter than everyone else.) I also quickly realized that trying to keep my head centered in the picture was causing my neck to spasm, so I dejectedly took the winning costume off.

These are my late grandfather's gloves. He was proud of his right to bear arms.

 

 Ironically, my brother borrowed the Second Amendment costume (the right to bear arms) and received huge laughs and kudos all night.

  

  

  

  

  

  

My Cat’s Breath Smells Like Newman’s Own 

 

Planet

Who Dey watching Animal Planet

 

I got my first-ever negative response from a reader on this post. He claimed that my self-sifting litter box was too difficult to make, and said that bags existed that could do the same thing in a much easier fashion. I was blown away that 1.someone actually tried to make this Good Idea, and 2. someone took my blog seriously enough to write a negative comment. Furthermore, I wonder what he was searching on Google to come across my blog about cat poop?

 

 Awards and Recognition

I appreciate everyone who has read along thus far, and thereby helped GoodIdeaJohnG.com receive the highest rating (a Wow! rating) from WordPress.com!

This is actually not a joke, GoodIdeaJohnG.com got the highest rating possible from WordPress.com (although I still have no idea what that means...)

I also decided to start a yearly tradition by awarding one extraordinary person who assisted me with some aspect of my blog with what will be called the Good Idea John G! Honorary Creator of Excellence in the Field of Questionably Brilliant Ideas Award (or the GIJGHCXFQBI award).

2011 GIJGHCXFQB award, from "Tumble Dry Low"

This year’s nominees are:

1st nominee: Cousin Anne, for purchasing Photoshop for me even though I am terrified of it

2nd nominee: Freddie G, for his Good Idea to shoot deer in his back yard, regardless of how illegal that is

3rd nominee: Robby R, for first using the acronym GIJG instead of typing Good Idea John G, to save time

4th nominee: Jon B, for his James Earl Jones-esque voice in what has become my most successful blog post.

5th nominee: Chris M, for recommending that I charge subscription fees, even though he probably would be the only one to pay them.

This year’s winner of the GIJGHCXFQBI Award is………….. Jon B!!! Congratulations to Jon B, and thank you to all the other nominees!

Last but not least, because no one felt compelled to celebrate my site’s milestone anniversary, I had the Good Idea to use this award I found at Goodwill to commemorate this day. Then I celebrated my site’s anniversary by paying the $17 renewal fee to keep GoodIdeaJohnG.com going for another year, in hopes that next year someone will remember my anniversary (or hopefully by then, one of my ideas will have made me rich…)

Certificate of Excellence in life, awarded to John G (by John G)

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Getting Audrey Hepburn’s Legs in Shape

4 Feb
Decorating Your Makeshift Workout Room

    

 I use a lot of self-deprecating humor, mostly revolving around being fat, out of shape, and being easily distracted. I am, in fact, out of shape and easily distracted. This is why I can’t consistently work out; if I am not crying within the first 5 minutes of exercise because I am in pain or can’t breathe, I become bored to tears due to the mundane repetition involved with most forms of exercise that are available to me. I know I’m out of shape when the 70-year-old woman on the Pilates video can put her leg behind her head, but I have to wear Velcro shoes to avoid the effort involved with tying two sets of laces every morning.    

 On the other hand I don’t feel like I am a fat person, per se. I only feel fat when, after a long day of sitting at the beach or around the pool, I get a sunburn everywhere on my body except my “bathing suit area” and the 3 white lines that are a result of the way my stomach folds when it attempts to retract into itself to compensate for my seated position (in the winter, when my skin is devoid of any color at all, the same position causes these lines to turn red. I like to think the lines change colors with the leaves each season. )  Long story short, I set up an exercise room.     

In an attempt to create a theme in the workout room of “things that are naturally beautiful” (which I chose for my wife who is naturally and unequivocally beautiful) I bought a picture of Audrey Hepburn at Goodwill. Believe it or not, that was not the Good Idea.     

Smoking isn't healthy, but people who own cats live longer than those who don't, unless the cat also smokes

 

The potentially GOOD IDEA    

The picture by itself on the wall looked out-of-place, mostly because it was bright pink. The exercise equipment stand I made from a piece of an old bed frame and two abused speaker stands also looked out-of-place, mostly because it was poorly done and stupid. I suddenly had an idea, and lo and behold our box of old clothing that was ready to be dropped off to Goodwill provided me with a worn out suit coat (with its hangar), a pair of my wife’s old shoes and socks, an old clutch purse and along with several safety pins and some leftover tin foil from lunch, I gave birth to Audrey Hepburn’s legs.      

            When Audrey gets tired of her clothes, she donates them to    

                   Goodwill because regardless of her fame and success      

                            she still knows where she came from    

The Verdict    

Even though everyone who has seen this decoration has said they love it, I don’t believe that everyone wants/needs their own lifelike 3-D art piece. That being said, in my opinion this is way cooler than the 2-D cutouts that sell for $150 online, and I bet if everyone who has one in their bedroom or man cave had the chance to make it 3-D for $135 dollars less, everyone would jump on board. Even though this will probably never happen I am proud that it only took $15 dollars to add a lifelike Audrey Hepburn that will watch me as I try to get in shape, or at least try not to cry as often.  

    

Total Cost of Production    

$15    

 

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