How to Stay Productive

I am somewhat chagrined to report that after yet another week of due diligence, I remain one of the growing number of unemployed Americans feeling the weight of unemployment on my shoulders and pocketbook. One can only spend so many hours on the job hunt before jumping off of one’s roof, so I have developed ways to stay productive.

Doing Favors for Family and Friends

I recently made a slide show for my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding. While putting it together, I found myself looking through our childhood pictures and wondering why I could not remember taking part in 95% of the activities that are pictured. Now I know how Lindsay Lohan must feel when she watches the news.

This brought me to the realization that each of us has to have a first memory, that is, the earliest memory we can recall from our youth. I wonder if something significant or traumatic has to happen to kick-start the brain’s memory function, and how our first memory affects the rest of our lives.

Everyone’s brains develop at a different pace, and for some people like Paris Hilton, not at all (I am not sure why I am picking on random celebrities today, but it is probably because they are rich and I am still unemployed.)

Reflecting on the Past/Taking a Voyage of Self-Discovery

My earliest memory is of my dad getting bitten by an ostrich. As a toddler, I can only imagine what my inner-monologue was at this point. I picture saying something like “Whoa! That is one ugly mommy,” but in Bruce Willis’s voice instead of my own. I cannot recall if it scared me, but there still is a good chance that I pooped in my pants.

I was 13 months-old, so I can only imagine that it was the first time I had seen an ostrich, and although Sesame Street exposed me to large birds much earlier, Big Bird never bit anyone. I am sure he never had to, because who would mess with an eight-foot, two-inch bird whose best friend was a massive creature with full-body dreadlocks named “Snuffy?”

I certainly would not mess with him. Come to think of it, I have always been a little wary of Big Bird, probably because of the way his huge eyes open completely when he bends down, which makes him look psychotic.

Attempting to stay Positive
Some people may wonder how my dad was bitten by an ostrich. During my childhood, animals were contained in a much different way at the zoo. I have pictures of my family feeding elephants, petting giraffes, and riding camels. My dad had his hand on a rail, and an ostrich came over and bit him. Not a very exciting story (if you are old enough to understand what in the hell just happened).

Today, zoos are more protective of their animals. This means I can only pet pigs and goats, which is about as new and exciting as petting my brother‘s dogs (and I believe George W. Bush made riding camels illegal due to its threat to national security.)


I honestly do not know if the ostrich incident formed the mold for any of my current personality traits, fears, or insecurities. What I do know is somewhere along the way I developed the ability to be positive and look at the bright side of life. I bet if I saw my dad getting bitten by an ostrich today, I would laugh heartily at him.

That is why I am excited to vote this week; Just so I can say I took a step towards getting a job in the future. If the campaign commercials are right, voting for the correct person this week should result in me having a job within the next week or two.

Making a Cartoon

I believe in the power of positive thinking, which is why I made this cartoon. This was my attempt to be positive about my current situation (and also because I wanted to see if the program I used for my brother’s slideshow could be used to make cartoons too.) Now, if the nursing thing never pans out, I can always get a job making really bad cartoons.







6 thoughts on “How to Stay Productive

Add yours

  1. Very good write-up. A job is headed your way. Takes time to find the nugget.
    In the interim, you have a talent you have not tapped as yet. Thinking you could be the Head Sorter at the local Goodwill. I have seen your picks and think you are missing your calling.

  2. Ozzie,

    That was very nice of you to apologize. However you should know that years ago, Freddie G took his family to a restaurant in California where we enjoyed ostrich steaks.

    Now how do you feel about Freddie G?

    John G

  3. Freddie G,

    I can see where I got the positive thinking from!

    However,I did not know ostriches could kill people. Now I definitely have insecurities about ostriches, although you put my mind at ease about Big Bird.

    John G

  4. You must spend your energy thanking God for the perfect nursing job that is right now unfolding for you!! Positve thinking will always attract positive results!
    How about this for positve thinking: ostrich’s can actually kill a human OR a lion with a strong kick of their legs. They have 2 toes and a long sharp claw on each foot! I thank God that the ostrich only bit me instead of kicking me!!
    ps. Big Bird was de-clawed!

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